i have come to the realization that home isn't really "home" anymore. rather, i feel like it's my parents' home where i'm only invited to visit for a certain amount of time then go back to my own little world where all that's really in it is me, a few tolerable people, and those who i absolutely hold dear to my heart. though i do hold my family close to me, it seems as if i'm slowly drifting away..like i'm not really supposed to be here. that being held within these four walls is just a phase. that it will end sometime soon. but it's not, unfortunately. my parents have threatened to make me live with them for a semester to "monitor" me, since i'm such a rebelious child and all. because that's what i do. i rebel. i rebel by doing errands and following orders. by isolating myself from the world in order for them to be slightly satisfied with me, though i'm not even remotely close to being tolerated. i see that i have gone up in rank in my family's household during these past few weeks: not only am i the eldest child whom my parents have claimed to have given up on, now i am also my grandmother's personal chauffeur, which is nice because it finally gives the chance of escaping this prison, but sadly the extent of my excursions only remain at the bus stop and the occasional trip to the grocery store. in short, it's hell.
my parents and my little brother are going out of the country to go on a mission trip to the Philippines, which is great (for all of us), but that means i get to babysit my sister and my grandmother. awesome. i wish i were volunteering or shadowing instead, but my parents made me postpone it until the school year started bc they don't want me to "mess up" again. i am officially a "messer-upper". i've come to the point where i am thrilled for summer school to finally begin. grand.
although many doors are opening for me here, i am miserable, and on the verge of losing my sanity. which isn't much of a stretch from what i've already experienced these past few years of my extremely short life. hello, summer.
