"There's a good deal of cynicism in real stoicism.."

"You boys fancy yourselves a Diogenean--barefoot friars who despise so-called good things, and for whom the essence of virtue is independence--but cynic means dog-like, Fist, cynicism really comes down to snarling, when it's vulgarized the way you campus philosophers do vulgarize everything. And part of the time you seem to think Epicurus has it for you--cut out all learning that doesn't do anything for you; simple pleasures; freedom from fear, especially from fear of Hell...But i really believe that what you need is a little less parietal freedom and a little more stoicism. There's a good deal of cynicism in real stoicism, you know: All real things are material, even the soul, which is a sort of atomic gas, and when we die all that disappears. The balloon simply deflates, either with a bang or with a slow leak. The sage, then, should be dispassionate, he should not be pushed around by pleasure or pain, but he should accede to natural laws--those or laws you just can't break. Nor can you change them with all the sitdowns and placard-carrying in this world." -Professor Orreman in Too Far to Walk

welcome home, our beloved Bears. :)

it's been a while since i've written a little excerpt of my life happenings..

it is the second of November and it's 80 degrees Fahrenheit. please tell me what's wrong w that picture. nevertheless, it's beautiful weather and i am very content..plus gas in town has gone down to $1.98. i wish i had my car here so i actually have a legitimate reason to celebrate..

not much has really been going on lately. school, work, etc. such is the life of a Baylor student, which may be colored every once in a while w a familiar face and a cup of coffee. though i do miss home and my good friends of whom i see seldom of, i've come to the realization that i do enjoy their absence. it seems absurd, but it's quite true that "distance makes the heart grow fonder." i would say the same of other things, but i may be too far ahead of myself.

i've been catching up w a friend of mine from back home who has become like an older brother to me..he has become like an eye and an ear to me on the events that are happening in my beloved desert state, so my homesickness has started to ease up little by little. i feel really thankful for finally being able to form friendships and connections w individuals a little closer to my age back home. not that i'm not content w the friends that i've made who are younger than me, but i feel like there's a bit of a lacking in connection at times due to differences in mindsets, opinions, experiences, needs..at time's it's very hard to relate to them. hopefully i'll continue to strengthen these new found friendships, which would really help me create a better balance of my life here in TX and my life back home in AZ. i love my friends in TX, and i absolutely adore my family, but it would be pleasant to have close friends to come home to..

dorm life is still a bit awkward. i heard from the grapevine that my youngest roommate's boyfriend dumped her last night, which i've seen coming for a while now, and apparently she's a bit devastated considering the fact that she was convinced that they were "soul mates," etc., etc. hopefully it's a learning experience for her..i don't really see much of either one of the girls, actually, because they're always out w their friends who don't even go to our school [?]. it's hard because i do want to form a civil relationship w them, but it's a bit difficult when they're never there..at least it leaves me w the room the majority of the time. ;)

it was Homecoming this past week, and it was absolutely wonderful! the dorms decorated their halls, the halls celebrated Treat Night by having the Baylor and Waco community come and trick or treat on Tuesday, my Life Group went on an outreach at Kate Ross [an underprivileged apartment complex] w our Section on Thursday, had a Homecoming Extravaganza Fair, pep rally, and bonfire on Friday for all of the students and alumni, and a parade and football game against Missouri on Saturday, which we lost by 3 points [28:31], which was absolutely acceptable considering the fact that they're ranked #14 while we're somewhere along the bottom of that list. ;) it was such a good game, and a wonderful experience by far. it was really nice getting to see old friends and making new ones as well. i was able to spend some quality time w my lovely friend AK, met w our friend Lara and her family, almost melted our faces off w Ian and Katie Jo, spent a few minutes w AK's roomie, Abby, and caught up w old friends and roommate w a series of dancing, pancakes, and much laughter. i couldn't think of a better way to spend my Homecoming week! though this year's freshmen almost "extinguished" the Eternal Flame for good when it was lit this Wednesday due to two injuries and an arrest in protecting it, these memories have definitely been incredible. i believe that the spirit of Baylor is at its finest during these days..the community grows and continues to strengthen each year and i'm so glad to be a part of it. this morning, i went to church and it was absolutely packed to the brim w alumni, students, and visiting families and it was absolutely overwhelming and beautiful to see how the body of Christ has totally grown and will continue to grow; i can't think of another school whose sole mission and lifestyle is to love and to share His love w others. i can't stop thanking God each day for letting me have the opportunity to come to such a wonderful school..i can't think of anywhere else to call home..i'm in awe of Bear Country, and i am so in love w Him.

stranded in "wacko" for fall break.

'twas fall break this weekend and it was a bit depressing considering the fact that i was stranded here. in Waco. where no one was. fortunately AK was here to share in this "loveliness" which consisted of boredom, vegging out [which wasn't too bad], and dyeing t-shirts all day. it was fine for some time, but i truly wish i were back home spending time with the family and not doing anything there rather than being here feeling a bit lonesomely sick to my stomach. 4 more weeks till Thanksgiving..

thankfully, i've got my incredible roommates to entertain me with their significant boy problems regarding a pot-head, womanizing boyfriend. the older one and i have become a bit closer to one another considering the fact that the youngen is completely head over heels "in love" with this guy and pretty much wants consume him. body, soul, etc. really. it makes me want to vomit.

exhibit a: "why hasn't he called?! he's been out of class for 4 minutes already and i don't understand why he hasn't called me yet??"
exhibit b: "i don't ever want to be one of those crazy girlfriends who need to know exactly where their boyfriend is at all times and be extremely clingy. i hate those girls..i hate technology..i hate life..i hate everything." [how ironic. little does she know that it has gone past the 'i don't want to be' stage bc she's in the 'you already are' phase.]
exhibit c: "he and i are like soul mates..you wouldn't understand..he's [insert awkwardly unnecessary pause here] 'different'." [insert violent vomiting here]

my solution: "stop being the stupid girl you are and dump the idiot already. he already told you he doesn't love you and that he loves his ex and wants to marry her, he's a pot head, and he's using you bc you're a young, naive, vulnerable, big breasted girl who does everything he wants. in short, he doesn't want you and wants to break it off. deal with it. don't kid yourself and try to make yourself think that he's doing this bc "he's afraid to love you" bc he obviously told you doesn't. i don't want to hear about your sexual escapades. everyone says he's a womanizer, right? ["yeah, but--"]exactly. ["i mean, he's openly sexual, but he's not like that with--"] i don't want to hear about either of your sexuality. ["but it's not like we--"]you can stop right there. dump him. ["but i feel that neither one of us wants to let go of it.."] he doesn't want you--he already told you that. DUMP HIM. ["but--"] DUMP HIM."
Hannah's input: snickering.
result: a pissed off 17 year old. bite me.

i don't believe in tough love. it's just tough. today. was. wonderful.

G-HECK NO to the GHETTO

great news: i'm not dying anymore, and AK and i have found a new apartment. :) we went to check out The Union the other day and the place was ridiculously small, we felt claustrophobic, and the location was a bit sketchy. after feeling a bit disappointed, we decided to head off to The Outpost and it was a winner for sure..furnished, wooden floors, and a pretty nice clubhouse. next step: signing the lease. woot.

got to spend some time w some old bestests, and went roller blading for the girls' birthday celebration, which was pretty much the most fantastic time i've had here in Waco thus far [wow]. it was absolutely hilarious! reliving those old, awkward middle school days at the roller rinks was incredibly priceless.

for kicks. think about it. stupid, disturbing to some extent, but hilarious none the less.:

people who try to be seductive in their profile pictures, and attempt to redeem themselves by claiming that they truly are "good, wholesome, classy" individuals..and fail miserably. please keep your breasts in your shirt. that would be greatly appreciated.

"'blue'. 'football'?"

it has been by far one of the longest weeks i have ever experienced. it was nice, just a little tiring. i take back what i said about feeling better..my throat and an excruciating migraine came back at me with a vengeance today. i felt so faint and nauseated in ballet this afternoon that i ended up sleeping through my last class, only to be followed by a throbbing headache. my mother's remedy: vikodin. unfortunately i can't take it until i get off my desk shift at 2am, otherwise i'll be passed out in the lobby instead of working. not good. i guess it'll be my little treat when i get back ^.^

yesterday held a few joyous events. it was my mother's birthday, so i gave her a call in the morning to bid her a wonderful 41st..i truly wish i were home to celebrate it with her, but i think a little bit of my homesickness played a part in that. nevertheless, it was a nice conversation; i think that our relationship is starting to get stronger, which i am so thankful for.

it was a lovely day..had a little lunch date with my friend Christina at "Emo park." we missed our darling friend, Mihir, though. we are his bread to his peanut butter; we're as tight as covalent bonds ;) later on that night, AK and i went over to our friend Lara's apartment to have a little dinner party; Hanna and Lars's roomie joined us a little later. i've missed those girls so much and i am SO glad to have been able to share a lovely dish by "Momma AK" with them ClayPot style :D. Lara provided us with a bit of entertainment by sharing some of her learned Russian phrases from her class with us..i think she may need to brush up a little bit though; the term "football" definitely does not translate to "blue." oh my..

a view of Pat Neff and the Immortal Ten
"shim" and "vodge" reunite"Emo Park"/Vera Martin Daniel Student Plaza

i am so ready to live off campus..AK and i were driving around today looking at apartments and have found a top contender. it'll be a great change, and we are SO looking forward to it. just praying and hoping that the parents will approve, but who could say 'no' to granite countertops and hardwood floors?http://www.union-waco.com/pics.aspx

october already, like whoa..

time is not slowing down at all. this is getting too insane.

these past few days have been quite an improvement from last week. a bit more gleeful, i must admit :) it's birthday week [it was Brian's 2oth on monday, tuesday was Michael's 20th, and it's my mother's 41st on thursday..eep!], which means tons of baking/gift giving. it makes me so happy! i also got advised on monday and i've added a minor in chemistry; i'm so excited for it. i feel like i've done something significant, FINALLY. my counselor told me that i was only a class away, so i decided to take her advice and go for it. double minor..who knew?

woke up yesterday and felt a bit better from how i've been feeling lately; the cough is starting to subside and my eyes aren't as irritated as before, which i'm so thankful for. i've been looking like the devil child for the past few days and i was starting to get sick of people telling me that i looked extremely ill >.< besides that, i want to punch my roommates in the face and chuck my coffee mug at their heads. they won't remember anything anyways bc it'll most likely give them a concussion, so it's really not a biggie. :)

i've been learning a lot about my identity in my times of reflection as of late..learning to guard my heart, soul, and mind, learning to trust God to help me decipher what He wants in my life, and not to depend on my emotions or the words of man to fill me, but rather to depend on Him to give me the answer. lots of meditation, praying, seeking, and waiting going on right now..i'm in need of clarity and peace of mind, but He always provides an answer in due time..

roughly two weeks till AZ. can't wait to be rejuvinated [thank God for an escape from the Baylor Bubble].

"i couldn't live without soap."

over the past few weeks, i've found myself to be a bit more worn down than usual, both physically and emotionally..more productive, but time just seems to be slipping away. work, study, eat/sleep [optional]. repeat. so many priorities, but at this point i just wish they would all go away haha not really; it's just been a bit tedious and i kind of want a break from the norm. in addition to that, i've been feeling a little lonesome lately..i haven't seen much of my roomies these past few days. i have two roommates, both freshmen--one of them 17 and the other 18. they're both sweet girls, but a bit "eh". they've obviously figured their lives out already at 17Y.O. at this point, i'm just feeling a bit apathetic towards them. no, i don't want to hear about your pothead boyfriend, and no, i have never heard of a classy sexy gangster, especially when it's pertaining to a Halloween party. really. it's just a bit draining to hear this constantly in accord with their lovely escapades. i can only give my advice and help them for so long..what can you do. "/

it's times like these where i just wish i had my own place and not have to worry about these things. i've found a little "hiding spot" at this coffee shop, but unfortunately someone who i really didn't want to find me, found me..epic disappointment. they're a good friend, but i really don't understand the need to hunt me down for no viable reason..it's kind of creepy actually. "/ i value my space very much and i wish that it was respected..so much for tranquility. ;)

other than that, life is good. AK and i went to Kirsten, Julie, and Zelyna's last night to have to dinner and catch up on life, which was amazing. i never realized how much i truly miss those girls..they're absolutely ridiculous! insane 2hrs of laughter+$70 carrot cake=heaven :) LG is going really well..just got back from Urban Night, which is an outreach ministry at the church where the Waco community can come and bring their families and fellowship with one another, and our LG Girls' Night. it was so nice being able to get to know the girls in our group and establish wonderful friendships with each of them. such wonderful ladies..i can't wait to see what He's going to do this year..i foresee many moments of laughter and words of wisdom coming our way. very exciting. just like Brittany can't live without soap [or her hand..and shelter haha], i don't think i can live without them :)

LG girls' night :)

d.e.s.e.r.t.

i miss this.
...but i am so thankful for the ones whom i've met and have shared their joys, weaknesses, and passion for God with me. my LG makes my heart happy..especially because they enjoy laughing by themselves as much as i do [even if they are from TX..ha]:)

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Corinth. 13:4-8 (ish)

back in Bear Country

i would have never thought that i would ever come back here. after such an "eventful" summer, i didn't think that i would ever find myself on a plane to TX again..life and its pleasantries. you never really know what to expect.

i feel a bit more focused this year, considering the fact that i have a lot more responsibilities to fulfill other than trying to make the grade [staying..staying..staying..etc?]. i've told a few friends that i was considering a change in plans, and it absolutely broke my heart to see them so upset. Reactions: AK was silent, Julie thought i was trying to trick her, Christina told me she was thinking about leaving too [oh hey!], Josh was in denial for 2 weeks, and Mihir simply made me want to cry ["I've lost eight people this year that I loved, and if you leave..I really don't want to lose you too."]. after hearing that, i couldn't bring myself to tell anyone else. it's funny how someone you've known for such a small amount of time becomes such a big part of your life..almost like a family that you want to protect and take care of. Reason #89 for not leaving.

it's weird, though, because a lot of my friends are actually considering transferring as well. trying to cheat the system, you know..maybe this is the right time [TCU, UT..?]. i'm just not sure if that's exactly what i'm supposed to do. i can't see myself anywhere else other than here, but in this circumstance i have to comply w my obligations. the only remedy is prayer and patience--much easier said than done.

despite that, He provides when you least expect it--in your greatest desperation.

i've been thriving off of this:
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." Ecc. 3:11

..He always seems to find a way to make me smile :)